Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
