This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
