I just pynch a tree in the face
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
