he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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