I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
