FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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