It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
