Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well you can't waste a boner
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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