We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
