You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
