It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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