I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
