dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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