omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
