im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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