I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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