She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize