So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize