Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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