got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
