I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
