Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
