If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
