i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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