I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
