Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
