I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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