pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
