WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish my penis had a tongue
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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