At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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