Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
