I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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