I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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