She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
