Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
