Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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