My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can't motorboat a personality
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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