easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize