It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
