can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
