I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
