I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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