If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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