I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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