wrigley field is MILF paradise
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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