you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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