Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
