I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
