So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
