goodnight i made you a song goodbye
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
