pop tarts are not kleenex
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
