No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
