My brain says no but my pants say off.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
