After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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