Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
