Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
