Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
