Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
