I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
