put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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