He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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