The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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