i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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