Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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