so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
