I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
